HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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