i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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