Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize