your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
