Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
