I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize