Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
