Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
