I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
