Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
