I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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