We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
