oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize