I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
