can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
