I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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