I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
