whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
