Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
