I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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