Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
