Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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