I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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