why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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