We're facebook friends in real life
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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