She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize