I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
two words: eviction party
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You were trust falling into bushes
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
