Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
