we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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