so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
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