you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
