I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
