I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
