she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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