I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
