Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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