Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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