Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
