this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
