How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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