i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize