Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Operation Purity has been aborted
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
