i permit you to call me
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
