She said her name was "party"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
