I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
