Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
