Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
