Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
