Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
