i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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