he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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