i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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