she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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