1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
