Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
