god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
