idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
