Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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