Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
They are going to name an STD after you.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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