dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
