she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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