I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
