still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
