Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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