All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
