Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
