made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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