Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize