You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
