final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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