Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
