who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
