Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
