____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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