census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
