Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
